It feels like every time I sit down to blog something, I'm feeling fairly shitty and my mental health has spiraled downward. So here I am again... blogging as I sit in bed at 8pm on a Thursday night.
My life is pretty routine these days: I wake up, go to work, come home, and then sleep. There's not much else in between because I'm too damn exhausted to do anything else. And that stems from my awful mental health that I can never seem to get right.
Every time I feel like I am on track, climbing to the top of the hill, something hits me and a plummet downward until I can't see anything above me. It feels like I'm drowning and I can't pull myself out of the water. And then I'm stuck there flailing until I find something to hold on to.
The worst part is I can feel myself slipping away into the depths of the ocean but I can never save myself before it happens. I feel myself losing interest in everything and everyone around me, pulling away until I no longer want to leave, yet I always find myself here.
I can't feel anything, though. I am numb to everything around me. I turn on the shower as hot as it can go to feel something, anything. I scream into the water as it surrounds me but all that I see is the light fading away and I am moving further into the darkness.
I am here, drowning in the ocean of my depression. I know I'll get better, as long as I continue to see the light.
