The good, the bad, and the ugly

Long distance is hard, and it is only going to get harder. Being in a relationship with someone you are not physically around sucks. With technology, it is easier, but at night when you just want to snuggle up next to your significant other and you can't, it is a really shitty feeling. When you're having a shitty day and all you want to do is be held, but your S.O. is miles away, there's nothing you can do. Having a support system of friends helps some, but for the most part it isn't the same.

I moved to a new town not too long ago and I love it. The one downside is not being as close to my friends as I once was. Again, this makes things difficult. All of my friends nearby are in relationships, which is great for them, but it sucks for me when I see them being all lovey dovey together and I'm just over here like "man this couch is comfortable" or "damn this whiskey sour is delicious" because my boyfriend is miles away.

*Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly happy for him that he gets to have this experience, but at the end of the day, sometimes I get selfish and just want him to be here with me. (To be fair, even if he was not about to study abroad in Germany for the next 10+ months, I would want him here.)*

The other night when we were talking about our relationship, we agreed on something that others may frown upon, but honestly, I don't really care what you think. Anyway, we decided that we would be in an open relationship mainly because we are human and have needs. As a person who was previously very committed (for almost four years of my life) then not so committed (for the last two years), I wholeheartedly agreed with this decision, but wanted to make sure we both were truly okay with it. After lots of tears and emotions, we decided that this was the best decision for us both because I said before, we are human.

Since deciding this, I downloaded the wonderful app called Tinder (again). My boyfriend jokingly made a comment about how he noticed my profile was active again. I wanted to laugh it off, but I kind of felt like he was checking up on me, which was something we decided we wouldn't really do. After I got over myself, it dawned on me that he would have to have Tinder on his phone to realize this so I asked how long he has had it. To my surprise, he's had it for two weeks, which doesn't correlate with the time frame of when we decided about our open relationship.(He hasn't been using it other than for boredom, but I'm still not a happy camper about it...) The bottom line is that I have been really pissed off for the last twelve hours or so which resulted in the shittiest night's sleep I've had since I've moved and now I'm a giant exhausted mess as I try to go throughout my day.

Okay, so now that I've vented about all of this, I want to tell you why I am being so open about everything.

Often times I keep to myself and don't really share information other than the successes and exciting things in my life. Why should that be a thing? I should be able to share the good, the bad, the ugly, ya know? I feel as though people use social media to just brag about the great things in their lives (myself included), but are often hesitant to share the journey that led them there, no matter how shitty it may have been. I think it is important to remember that not all days are great and that everyone is dealing with a ton of stuff that you may not see. I'm here to share the good and the bad, even if just for me to express myself and stay sane.

If you've made it this far through my rambling, I thank you. Have a great (or shitty) day and feel free to tell me all about it. <3