Six Months

For the last six months, I've been dealing with something that I haven't shared with many. It's not because I don't want people to know, but rather it's been something I've been trying to come to terms with myself.

I guess the best way to start this is to re-introduce myself to you:

Hi, I'm Allee and I'm an alcoholic.

This is something I've been battling for a long time, but haven't ever shared it with anyone. (Also, I was the last person to know I had a problem, so that also adds to it.) I look back at my life prior to admitting this and realize how much of a problem it truly was. I wasn't in a good place, for a variety of reasons, but I came into contact with someone who helped me to realize it's okay to be struggling and that there are ways to get help. That person had no idea how much hearing their own story helped me to come to terms with my addiction, but I am forever grateful they shared it with me.

The reason I felt compelled to share today and not any other day is because today marks six months sober. It's been a tough journey so far, and I hope it gets easier, but I understand that I will have my good days and my bad days. What's important to note is that yes, today I have six months, but tomorrow I could start all over. Sobriety is an ongoing process and though I hope I can continue down the path I am on, things happen.

For those of you that I've distanced myself from over the last six months, it's nothing personal. As I mentioned before, this has been a struggle and I have been trying to find ways to have fun without being in the presence of alcohol, which is quite difficult for a twenty-something to do. I've felt left out, I've been angry, and I've cried. It's sucked many weekends to say "no" to something I really wanted to do, all because I was concerned about being surrounded by my triggers. I want you all to know that even if I've distanced myself from you, I love you dearly and care about you. I just can't have fun in the ways we used to.

Now, I'm not sharing this for any kind of sympathy or kind words. To be honest, I just wanted to get it off of my chest because I felt like I was hiding something about myself. I'm finally getting comfortable with the skin I'm in and this is a part of me now. The other reason I'm sharing this is because I want others to know it is okay not to be okay and that there are others struggling as well. I want others to know that people are here to help, and if they need someone to talk to about this, I'm here and willing to do help in whatever capacity I can. I'm not perfect, but sometimes it helps just to have someone who understands listen to what you're going through. So if you need someone, I'm here.

If you're interested in learning more about my story or just want someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to reach out. 

That's all folks!