It means waking up on the right side of the bed, only to be met with one thing after another.
It means struggling to stay awake during the day because your nights are filled with tossing and turning until morning light.
It means neglecting the giant to do list you've had written out for weeks because you can only cross off "get out of bed" lately.
It means being put on medication that helps to stabilize your mood, but can't help you when you've hit a low.
It means having a ton of thoughts and feelings swirling around in your head, but not being able to appropriately express yourself.
It means pulling away from those you care about, fearing your constant state of 'blah' will bring them down.
It means laying in bed all day, sleeping for 12+ hours, and still feeling exhausted.
It means fighting the constant battle of forcing yourself to get up and be productive, when all you want to do is relax.
It means losing all productivity and feeling lazy, even though you are usually the opposite.
It means going from feeling like you're on top of the world to having it all come crashing down on you.
It means having one thing happen that sends you spiraling down until you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But sometimes it doesn't look this way for me. Sometimes it means running around, doing everything to keep myself busy, to the point of exhaustion, all with a smile on my face, but still struggling to sleep at night.
But that's not how it looks this time.
Mental health is weird, and I'm not sure I'll ever have a good grasp on it. I've just got to keep on, keepin' on the best I can, counting the little wins until I get out of this rut.
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| Shitty mental health days call for mermaid hair selfies |
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