Numb

Ever have one of those days where you're just kind of going through the motions, but feel like you're not really there? Well, that's how I've been feeling for the last few weeks. I've been doing a good job of hiding it, but it's slowly getting worse. I'm at the point where I'm exhausted all of the time, no matter how much or how little I sleep, and I have zero motivation to do anything. (This is an awful feeling, in case you were wondering)

I'm in this weird place where I'm feeling kind of numb to everything. I'm here and am listening, but I'm not really taking in everything the way I used to. I don't really know how to describe this feeling, but just know it is not a fun thing to be dealing with. 

Despite my lack of motivation, I still get out of bed every morning and go to work with a fake smile plastered on my face. As badly as I want to stay in bed all day long and ignore the world, I force myself to get up. This is a win for me. In the past, I'd search for every reason not to get up and continue on with my day. I'd stay in my room all day and would hide away from everyone. While that was one way to handle it, I've learned that's probably not the best way.

Depression manifests itself in many ways. Sometimes I feel physically exhausted, other times I am incredibly moody and push everyone away. As previously mentioned, I'm in the physically exhausted stage right now, but I am trying to make sure I don't push everyone away, which is why I am forcing myself to write this.

I apologize for the short, half-assed post, but I needed to write this down.

Here's to hoping I can pull myself out of this rut... soon.