I am the first to admit I have a ton of feelings. I fall in love very easily and with the simplest of things. I try to always look for the good, no matter how bad the situation is, to keep my head above water. Any negative feelings or sadness I feel, I try to hide away in hopes I won't feel the pain any more.
When I was younger, I did some things I am not proud of in hopes to drown my sorrows. It's been a few years since I've gone down that road, but it's an ongoing process to get to where I want to be. I'm not saying that these memories that have resurfaced are going to take me down that road again, but they have me thinking about a lot of "what ifs".
For example, six years ago I was falling in love for the first time. I held this person's hand for the first time and thought I was going to be with them forever. Three years ago I had my entire future planned out: graduate college, move to New York, get married to the "love of my life", and live "happily ever after". Two years ago, I was starting over after basically getting "divorced" from the person I thought I was going to marry. Would that be my plan now had the break up never happened?
I could spend a lifetime thinking about all of the "what ifs" in my life, but is that really going to get me anywhere? The reality of all of this is that things change, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I've tried to run from the past and ignore the feelings the memories stirred up, but honestly, these things made me who I am today. The memories, good and bad, are part of who I am. As much as it hurts to look back at some of the things on social media, at that point in my life, those things were what I wanted and were what made me happy. At the end of the day, I guess I'm thankful for the pictures, the cringe-worthy status updates, and wall posts that can remind me of how far I have come.
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